We’ve all been there…apprehensive about a difficult conversation, especially with someone who for whatever reason, “gets under our skin”. Will we communicate what’s true without creating offense? Can we keep our emotions and egos in check? What will be the outcome?
At A Table In Time we help participants delve into deeper, more complicated “topics”, reflecting unspoken challenges and or just the simple need to share a little bit more of themselves. Admittedly, it’s not easy when circumstances are unwelcoming. When we engage in a troublesome relationship, we’ll have to reveal more about who we are.
After a couple terse emails without resolving differences, I grabbed my cell and dialed, ready for a voice-to-voice conversation. Although rare these days, picking up the phone is often what’s needed to clear the air. As the leader, it was my responsibility to reach out, make the invitation.
No answer. Voice mail. Message left.
A few days passed. Still no response. No idea why my call hasn’t been returned. Life was busy. Phone message not the priority.
Sent a text asking again if we might have a call. Was there fear on the other end? Still waiting for schedules to match and hoping for a conversation soon.
What do to in the meantime? Here are seven suggestions for managing the uncertainty.
- Get grounded
When you feel anxious about an upcoming conversation, spend extra time in activities that center you, that remind you of your good essential self. Draw from this place of solid strength and goodwill within you.
- Watch out for ego
When someone irritates you, be aware of that side of you feeling unrecognized and unacknowledged. Don’t let that sensitive spot dominate the conversation.
- We don’t know
Instead of assuming you understand a person’s work and life challenges, use the conversation as a time to truly learn about all you don’t know.
- Keep an open mind
Stay open to positive twists and turns in the conversation and feel grateful for new perspectives.
- Practice what it is you want to say, especially when starting the call. Literally say your intention out loud.
- Receive the gifts
Although we might hope for one outcome, be able to recognize and receive the perspectives shared, most likely different from our own.
- Look forward to the call
Growth comes when we’re willing to live out of our comfort zone. Although feeling anxious isn’t enjoyable, pushing ourselves to be present with uncertainty will open up new creative doors and solutions.
Although there are things about a conversation we can’t control and often we deal with uncertainty, do your best to stay serene! Reinhold Niebuhr, author of the “Serenity Prayer” reminds us to “…accept the things (we) cannot change; courage to change the things (we) can; and wisdom to know the difference”.
Onward ho to difficult conversations!
Year of Confab, 2017
#18 When was the last time you had a difficult conversation? How did it work out? What did you learn?